Never, ever use the words penis or vagina. There is no surer way to kill the erotic buzz than to use these terms, which call to mind—my mind, at least—health classes in the best instance and in the worst instance venereal disease. It is your job, as an author, to direct us elsewhere, to the more inimitable secrets of the naked body. If one of your characters, in a dire moment of passion, hits a note that sounds eerily like Celine Dion, duly note this. Resist the temptation to use genital euphemisms, unless you are trying to be funny. Common-sense ideas that can, pardon the technical jargon, prevent boo-boos.
There is no surer way to kill the erotic buzz than to use these terms, which call to mind—my mind, at least—health classes in the best instance and in the worst instance venereal disease. As a rule, in fact, there is often no reason at all to name the genitals. Yet, like many people in life, character can surprise you when the lights are off behind closed doors. There is no way around this. We spoke dirty at times and the only thing we had in common at the time was having a great time between the sheets or wherever we were at the time, not once did we think of chores, bills or our respective wives and husbands. I also multi-orgasm and start quite rapidly as I have nerve endings where they shouldn't be. Reprinted from the first print edition of Small Spiral Notebook Vol. Never, ever use the words penis or vagina. I also multi orgasm, due to excessively sensitive nerve endings. The ones that give electric shocks. So in truth we're doing our readers a disservice by telling them ALL women get off during intercourse. I speak here from experience. Let the drama of the seduction prime us for the action. Rarely, in my experience, do men or women announce their orgasms. So I'd say go ahead and put in the "Yes! My personal record is 6 minutes. Use all the senses. Read the Song of Songs. Oh baby, oh Christ, yes! And stay away from the obvious ones. They do not say: By this, I mean writing about sex as it actually exists, in the real world, as an ecstatic, terrifying, and, above all, deeply emotional process. Steve Almond is the author of The Evil B. It is okay to get aroused by your own sex scenes. They simply have them. It takes a long time to make a woman come.
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