There was no such place in our town, in any case. You thought I was going to give my girlfriend the flowers? We turned on the television, called the diner and ordered a takeaway. I was so anxious that I gashed a finger trying to open the cellophane packaging in which the sheets were packed. No, like a maestro unveiling his circus, I would peel back the bedspread to reveal … fresh sheets covered in rose petals!
With curiosity, scepticism and goodwill, my parents and grandmother piled into the cramped, rusty Buick that was our first car in America and fumed off to whatever discount place they were going to for dinner. No, like a maestro unveiling his circus, I would peel back the bedspread to reveal … fresh sheets covered in rose petals! I laid them down and wondered how tacky it was for the folding creases to show. The main event was nothing like my literary hero had promised: My offer must have indicated to my mother how badly I wished for the thing I was asking. I paced the living room and waited. Trying desperately not to bleed all over the enterprise, I stretched the ironed sheets over the mattress, scattered rose petals on top and covered it all with the bedspread. But I had been hoarding dollars from my summer jobs landscaping and lifeguarding. There was no such place in our town, in any case. So it took us quite a while to awkwardly, semi-defeatedly concede to each other that we had run out of excuses to avoid sex. Whatever the adventure, she was in, as long as it included the family. My mother smacked his arm with the back of her hand: She had lost most of hers in the Holocaust. I was so anxious that I gashed a finger trying to open the cellophane packaging in which the sheets were packed. I gashed another finger plucking the petals off the thorn-riddled roses. We turned on the television, called the diner and ordered a takeaway. Eleven turned to midnight to 1am, and I turned from amusement to worry to terror at having consigned my family to catastrophe all because I wanted to lose my virginity. However, there was no sign of the adults. Newly permitted to drive, I jumped into our other car and sped off to a linen shop, in one of the nondescript shopping malls that surrounded our town like a blockading army. You thought I was going to give my girlfriend the flowers? My girlfriend was almost due and my family surely soon after that. Now we could savour the falsely sweet memory of a milestone achieved. On Saturday morning, when the springtime sun finally made a strong showing outside after a dreary, wet winter, I came downstairs, where my parents and maternal grandmother were gathered around breakfast, and asked, as casually as I could:
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