I don't talk about this because honestly, I'm ashamed. And I had to like everything was peachy-keen; nothing to see here, folks! Yes, it was taxing in everyway imaginable, but I survived. Because the fact is, this shouldn't be a secret at all; it should just be another part of my truth. My mom removed my door from my room. It's the consequence of some fucked up things that happened in my life and that I took to the Internet.
It's the consequence of some fucked up things that happened in my life and that I took to the Internet. Because the fact is, this shouldn't be a secret at all; it should just be another part of my truth. My parents found out after about 6 months of this and I was in a sort-of relationship with a 20 year old who lived 2 states over. I know there are so many girls who've been through the same, or similar. I don't talk about this because honestly, I'm ashamed. I realized that I had been taken advantage of, manipulated and used I hated my parents and felt trapped in my houses my parents divorced when was young. Having cyber sex with older men made me feel powerful, untouchable and fuckable at the same time. Which just to clarify is still rape. I was finding hope in the only way I knew how to as a year-old and 15, 16, 17 and even year-old. Older men on the Internet gave me that reason. It's damaged my sexuality perhaps permanently. And because I was treated as if I was wearing a scarlet letter, I internalized it all. In essence, they'll victim-blame me. She had it in her all along. I recently received contact from one of these men and had a small breakdown. Yes, it was taxing in everyway imaginable, but I survived. Eventually, I grew up, learned from my past and found a way to pick up the pieces. How this has effected me is not something I can ever truly understand, given how much it's become a part of me. I feel foolish and stupid every time I bring this subject up. I also know people will look at me differently and view me as a victim. At the time, all I wanted to do was run away; I was counting down the days until I turned They'll judge me, shame me internally or externally and think that I should have known better. The reality of what I did, what they did, hit me like an avalanche. I wish I could tell them that they can make it through, that they're being deceived, that they can have so much more. No, I never ran away to have a sleepover with any of them, but it didn't make any of it any better. Yes, we'd exchanged nudes.
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