The boundary between the two if there even is one is drawn through terra incognita. Earning their own income, women today are freer to leave when a man stops showing sufficient respect. They see yours and not theirs. A courtship that may have started with infatuation with the woman as toy, grows into a deeper more sustainable bond, two people seeing each other as human beings loving each other for more sustainable reasons. Live with the complex as unchangeable.
Women by now recognize this trend. Even the prettiest young woman sees men leaving their wives for younger women, always with some explanation. Earning their own income, women today are freer to leave when a man stops showing sufficient respect. Most appreciate and even gravitate toward it, trying to sustain it as long as they can. The more a man sees a woman as an object or toy the more respect he shows but the less respect he feels. Eventually both you and your partner will be so domesticated to each other that parting becomes implausible, a reason to stay together and appreciate each others humanness. Have a plan B that feels good enough to shift into position as Plan A should your partner depart. Then consider what to do about it. Men now and perhaps always think of women in two radically different ways. To some extent women must see men the same two ways, as fellow humans and as objects or symbols. I love the social sciences for the way they compel us to think as neutrally as possible about sensitive subjects, exploring, for example our own buttheadedness. Women were dependent on men for income, which made it harder and more cruel to divorce them. Your butt is yours, high or low. Often, in part because as the toy gets older the man has less incentive to continue working to grow together. Treat women as both humans and toys, sending often-confusing messages. Without configuring mirrors just right or years of practicing yoga bends so you can look closely behind you, you barely know your butt. I see four basic strategies available to women: His fascination with her as a toy subsidized his commitment to her and then the subsidy ends. Yet many of us harbor an obsession with backsides and many a psychologist has had a field day wondering why we care so much about them. But then men too feel less depended upon. Freud guessed at an anal stage and ways some of us may never have grown out of it. Women are equals, we think, so love is between two consenting adults both free to leave should the spirit move them. Seeing women in these two ways must confuse the bejesus out of them, raising challenging questions about the best life strategy for living around and with us. A courtship that may have started with infatuation with the woman as toy, grows into a deeper more sustainable bond, two people seeing each other as human beings loving each other for more sustainable reasons. A fair amount of that porn focuses on butts. Learn to treat women only as human beings, never as toys. The way to her status symbol object-hood is through the parts she feels most treasured yet knows least well.
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